This is a modern day adaptation of a classic short tale by Hans Christian Andersen about two weavers who promise an Emperor a new suit of clothes that are invisible to those unfit for their positions, stupid, or incompetent. The moral of the story tells of the pitfalls of giving in to courtly pride and intellectual vanity rather than adulterous paternity.The tale has been translated into over a hundred languages.
Once upon a time there lived a vain CEO who was obsessed with Process Re-engineering. He changed organization structure and shuffled roles every month, much to the frustration of his employees.
Word of the CEO's idiosyncrasy spread over his industry and beyond. Two scoundrels who had heard of the CEO's obsession decided to take advantage of it. They introduced themselves at the lobby of the office with a scheme in mind.
"We are two very good consultants and after many years of research we have invented an extraordinary method to re-organize a hierarchy so lean that it looks invisible. As a matter of fact it is invisible to anyone who is too stupid and incompetent to appreciate its quality."
The chief of the HR heard the scoundrel's strange story and sent for the CFO. The CFO notified the VP, who ran to the CEO and disclosed the incredible news. The CEO's curiosity got the better of him and he decided to see the two scoundrels.
"Besides being invisible, Sir, this structure will be tailored in a management style created especially for you."
The CEO gave the two men a million dollars budget in exchange for their promise to begin working on the re-org immediately.
"Just tell us what you need to get started and we'll give it to you." The two scoundrels asked for a room, financial statements, and computers and then pretended to begin working. The CEO thought he had spent his money quite well: in addition to getting a new extraordinary consultation, he would discover which of his staff were ignorant and incompetent. A few days later, he called the old and wise VP, who was considered by everyone as a man with common sense.
"Go and see how the work is proceeding," the CEO told him, "and come back to let me know."
The VP was welcomed by the two scoundrels.
"We're almost finished, but we need a lot more cash. Here, Sir! Admire the solution, feel the efficiency!" The VP bent over the monitor and tried to view the screen which was blank. He felt cold sweat on his forehead.
"I can't see anything," he thought. "If I see nothing, that means I'm stupid! Or, worse, incompetent!" If the VP admitted that he didn't see anything, he would be discharged from his office.
"What a marvelous configuration, he said then. "I'll certainly tell the CEO." The two scoundrels rubbed their hands gleefully. They had almost made it. More financing was requested to finish the work.
Finally, the CEO received the announcement that the two consultants had come to request access to company records needed to complete his new org chart.
"Come in," the CEO ordered. Even as they entered, the two scoundrels pretended to be holding large stacks of printouts.
"Here it is Sir, the result of our labour," the scoundrels said. "We have worked night and day but, at last, the most cost efficient business structure in the world is ready for you. Look at the PDFs and visualize how powerful it is." Of course the Emperor did not see any printouts and could not feel any paper between his fingers. He panicked and felt like fainting. But luckily the throne was right behind him and he sat down. But when he realized that no one could know that he did not see the fabric, he felt better. Nobody could find out he was stupid and incompetent. And the Emperor didn't know that everybody else around him thought and did the very same thing.
The farce continued as the two scoundrels had foreseen it. Once they had taken the records, the two began typing on the keyboards while printing with their printers on invisible paper.
"CEO Sir, you'll have to retrench all your current senior management to implement this solution." The two scoundrels flashed the blank presentation. The CEO was embarrassed but since none of his bystanders were, he felt relieved.
"Yes, this is a highly effective setup and it looks very good with me on top," the CEO said trying to look comfortable. "You've done a fine job."
"Sir," the VP said, "we have a request for you. The people have found out about this extraordinary strategy and they are anxious to hear your broadcast." The CEO was doubtful of showing to the people a presentation he could not see, but then he abandoned his fears. After all, no one would know about it except the ignorant and the incompetent.
"All right," he said. "I will grant my staff this privilege." He summoned his PA and the ceremonial parade was formed. A group of boot lickers walked at the very front of the procession and anxiously scrutinized the faces of employees in the conference hall. All the employees had gathered, pushing and shoving to get a better look. An applause welcomed the elitist procession. Everyone wanted to know how stupid or incompetent his or her neighbor was but, as the CEO passed, a strange murmur rose from the crowd.
Everyone said, loud enough for the others to hear: "Look at the CEO's new business strategy. It’s excellent!"
"What a marvelous concept!"
"And the leanness! The leanness would surely ensure huge cost savings! I have never seen anything like it in my life!" They all tried to conceal their disappointment at not being able to see anything, and since nobody was willing to admit his own stupidity and incompetence, they all behaved as the two scoundrels had predicted.
An intern, however, who had no important job and could only see things as his eyes showed them to him, went up to the stage.
"The display is blank," he said. “There is nothing on the stage except the CEO himself”
"Fool!" his supervisor reprimanded, running after him. "Don't talk nonsense!" He grabbed his intern and took him away. But the youngster's remark, which had been heard by the bystanders, was repeated over and over again until everyone cried:
"The kid is right! The presentation is blank! It's true!"
The CEO realized that the people were right but could not admit to that. He though it better to continue the presentation under the illusion that anyone who couldn't see his slides was either stupid or incompetent. And he stood stiffly on the stage, while behind him a clerk held his imaginary folder.
