Setback

Sitting in my room,
strumming on my own
my guitar shared the pain.
All the same old tunes, but different from before.
No pick was used, just the flat of my thumb,
producing a muffled downcast tune,
not assertive, not insistent.
Slower than the usual pace, kind and forgiving,
as befitted this humbled state.

Devoid of lyrics, as none were needed.
Only the lonely chords, soft and melocholic,
with haunting silence between breaks.

Slowly it emptied my mind,
and along came the peace.
Soon sleep shall come, and with new hope brings the morrow...

The Perfect Relationship

A man was looking for the perfect woman.

He kept searching.

Finally he found her,

but there was one problem.

She was looking for the perfect man...

When relationships fall out, stung individuals often feel their partner had changed, had lost the qualities which first attracted them; When employees leave the company, they tend to say things weren’t the same as before, it’s no longer the company they used to enjoy working in.

I had a revelation: Our other half did not change/The Company had always been the same. The person we first fell in love with; the wonderful company we thought we joined; they didn’t exist in the first place. It was a figment of our own self delusion.

We all want the partner of our dreams, or to join the perfect company. We want it so badly that our subconscious paints a rosy picture. Being optimistic creatures, when uncertain, we see the best aspects of a new situation. We over-exaggerate them in our heads, and then end up disappointed when reality sinks in.
Which is why many relationships fail beyond the honeymoon phase*

Being aware prepares us for the awakening. It sets realistic expectations, takes us down to earth. We learn to accept one another’s imperfections. When we commit to a relationship, we accept our partner in total, both the strengths, and the shortcomings.

*Similarly defined as the honeymoon in Culture Shock

Getting along with co-workers

1. Get to know others
2. Be polite to everyone
3. Use humor
4. Smile
5. Be energetic
6. Respect colleagues
7. Like yourself

Promotions

May the better bootlicker win!

I noticed a consistent trend of undeserving* promotions**. This usually comes after the periodic staff appraisal runs. This phenomena takes place everywhere. Often, some of the staffs that did not receive this promotion becomes upset.

I feel that these are the possible reasons:
- Self interest >wants the increased incentive for themselves
- Lost of Pride/ego >unwilling to see someone they considered equals carry a superior title
- Personal angle of fairness >feels someone else (or themselves) is more deserving
- Interest of the company >doubts the promoted person's capacity in the new role

I do not see it that way now. Changing a person's rank and title does not change the underlying individual. It doesn't make the person superior in anyway over his/her peers. A rose by any other name is just as sweet (and the reverse applies for a pile of shit)

It is also the complete freedom of the management to do so. Almost always, this promotion has nothing to do with the individual's abilities. It's a combination of factors; very much like the four 'P's of marketing. Some understands this concept and masters it like an art, while others are just lucky.

There is no money to be made from being a sore loser or screaming sour grapes. Although I don't feel anything, I make it a practice to offer my token congratulations to the promoted.

*based on popular agreement
**Including my own promotion

Managing Challenges

Some asked me whether I felt excited about taking on difficult jobs. They appear to see it as fun, they wish to "seek thrill" and claim to enjoying "living dangerously".

I have to disagree. It is not fun. Fun is for games and leisure. I take my work seriously. When I take on a contract, it's because I want the pay. And by accepting, I have accepted the responsibility, I have an obligation to fulfill and must do so professionally.

受人钱财，提人消灾

I cannot go in with the attitude of a child visiting the playground, as that would mean I am not ready*.
I am also not keen on unnecessary risks. From an investment viewpoint, risks must be justified by a fair return. It's still more preferable, if we can avoid the risk and achieve the same payoff.

*the athlete who expresses a feeling of euphoria before an event is probably in a poor state of readiness.

Being Professional

I tend to see myself as a contractor rather than an employee to a company.

The picture of a salaried 'employee' to me, hints of an exploited victim, someone who has no control and at the mercy of faceless shareholders. Someone who will always give more than he is paid. Why else would a company take him in?

As a contractor, I enter into a contract with the client company to provide services for the agreed price. I am my own company and my own product. I manage my own revenues and bottom line. I choose out of my own free choice to take on the contract and not because I'm forced to. As a professional, I do not pick my assignments. I am paid to do so and I will go where I am needed.

My work is of the highest quality so as to uphold my own reputation. Whatever title the client company bestows on me is less relevant compared to what I truely am.
If my fame grows, my services would be in demand and I can fetch higher value contracts.

Towards Managing Conflicts - With other people

Do you know how hard I tried?

to lose that foolish pride.

I find it meaningless to get into conflicts, there's seldom anything to gain and more likely will work negatively.

Getting angry with loved ones, will be regretted later.
Being sturbbon with friends erodes the friendship.
Starting a fight for whatever reason in the office, makes us look uncooperative.
Having a quarrel with strangers can at best ruin your mood, or (in the worst scenario) result in some less sane individual coming after your family, yourself or your properties.

Better to lose my pride for someone I love, than the other way round.
Remember the times our friends give in to our tantrums.
Keep cool, save the job, win that promotion, earn respect.
Often, "getting even" may not be worth it. It might be easier to just let the moment past, and enjoy the rest of the day.

Lyrics from some song:
sometimes I could get even
sometimes I could give up
sometimes I could give,
sometimes I don't give a ...

Death of a party

"Sadly it's time for us to go" This is not the most welcomed email subject, not when it came from the ishop. I hope there are alternative service centers available.

And so the shop where I bought my macbook will be gone by next month. Not completely left high and dry, but still quite the sour taste.

Body's Breathing While It Can

My Doctor told me it's due to accumulated fatigue. All the work , training and lack of rest kept my immunities low. Which was why I fall sick so often. I also received some sleeping pills for my insomnia, I'll take her advise and give myself a long break.

- Cut down on exercise
- force myself to sleep early
- just sit back an relax, (during holidays etc.)
- Avoid outdoor activities (due to fickle weather conditions)

Cough syrup is making me drowsy...

I must be going insane,
went to the doctor so that he could relieve my pain,
he's got a little pill for me, just a little luxury,
to help me through my day.

Towards Financial Liberation

A series of events woke me up to the error of my ways.

Consequences of past relationships which I allowed to stagnate; bridges I didn't built; friends I neglect because of my arrogance.

Some of the opportunities lost were great and others minor. Ironically, some doors would not have opened if I had not made the right mistakes.

I also learnt about the concept of financial freedom and how interesting the journey to get there. It made the micro concerns of the rat race seem so insignificant.

Injustice is bound to occur, but the greater potentials has desensitized me to such trivia pricks. If I plan my cards right, I would have the freedom to just walk away.

Definition of Justice

Justice = A blind woman swinging a big sword... '''


(7July 2009) I'd like to add some additional revelations:

This was not obvious at first. The weighing scale she holds measures who can pay more. This is a fair comparison since the weigh of gold does not lie. It ensures the sword does not slice randomly.

The blindfold is used so that judgment is not clouded by emotions. She does not care who is paying. But this is redundant since justice was already blind to begin with.

Dec2008 Year End Debrief - Of course justice exists¸ to those who can afford it.

Missing inner Heat, life gets colder

If this was already the year end, I'd like to close it as the Year of Infidelity Awareness. Its really all around me, except I didn't noticed, until now. Its hard not have one's perspective shaken, after seeing so many families breaking up for the better, and those that (stupidly) decided not to.

There's simply no excuse for selfish philandering spouses, dominating abusive partners, emotional blackmail, exercising bondage through financial dependency. Just because everyone else accepts it, doesn't mean I have to.

*** DELETE ***

On the flip-side, it makes me wonder, if I'll too become the man I hate.
After I reach and exceed that level.

its easy to tell right from wrong when we're younger,
as we grow older its difficult.
The villains and heros get all mixed up.
- Extract from 'Quantum Of Solace'

Like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest

"And achieve what?!"
- Retortical question of the month

I needed a break very badly...
Went on a weekend retreat to Pulau Bintang with my Army pals. Amidst the endless mutual bullshit and fun under the sun, was a merciful respite from the hectic pace of life and a chance for undisturbed reflection (even while getting tossed around by 6ft tall waves)

Still had not been able to pick myself up, and was feeling really lousy lately.

Using an old analytical technique, I took a step back and observed from a 3rd person perspective.

It wasn't a pretty sight.
To put it bluntly, I had absolutely no idea wtf I was trying to do during the past few months. what a mess.
Was running my life with as much directions as a beheaded chicken. Sure, I tried hard in everything I did, but to achieve what? I could not answer.

Work was a hell of a rat race.
Stepping up on training somehow only resulted in piling up injuries.
Drinking created unnecessary health concerns.
Ever increasing relapse of the chronic Introvert nature affecting my social life
Family fallout.
And I won't even touch on the emo shit

I screwed up.
At this rate, I was fast becoming a close resemblance to a punching bag.

Although I didn't find any answers by the end of the trip, I did at least got a little closer. And begun coming to terms with reality. Things are becoming clearer and less surreal now.

"Emotion clouds observation"

I no longer know myself

I feel empty once again. devoid of emotions. With the exception of one regrettable emotional hiccup, I'm now feeling empty all over again. There is neither peace nor panic, only something mechanical. Life just goes on day by day, reacting automatically to situations thrown at me. Much has occurred recently, and they might have some correlation.

The proverbial empty cup
Unlike last year, this emptiness seemed to be part of something bigger. Along with House Keeping Campaign 2008, the events seemed to be readying me for something. Even tho I have no idea, I somehow sense great changes round the corner. A new chapter is about to begin.

Massive House Keeping Campaign 2008

Recently conducted a massive house keeping campaign. Spurred by the Systems Migration Plan, I was caught with an urge to free up physical space. The last 6 weeks saw the elimination of 90% of my personal physical articles. The rule was simple, anything not in use for over a year, or unlikely to remain in use, will be removed.

I realized that I tend to be reluctant to let go, even if the items no longer held any meaning. After overcoming redundant sentimental values, most items were simply white elephants. Sometimes its better to just move on.

The entire collection of painstakingly painted models and kits were given away to my childhood buddy. We started the hobby together and it was fun, but they no longer serve any practical use.
Mountains of study notes were thrown away. The information within were either obsolete or could be easily found online or in the libraries should I need them.

The sight of my now empty shelves left a clean feeling. On top of reducing future house keeping efforts, It was like a symbolic departure from the past. Keeping only the essential lessons, without the unnecessary baggage, and plenty of room to receive the future.

severe hangovers have a way of putting things into perspective

now that you've been broken down,
got your head out of the clouds,
back down on the ground.
you don't talk so loud, you don't walk so proud,
maybe next time,
we'll get it right...

Not an alcoholic hangover but one from a sweet dream that's almost painful to wake up from.
That's what you get from entertaining wistful thoughts. Should have listened to the logical side, how many times do I have to learn? Seen it coming long ago, so many obvious signs, yet the subconscious psyche is simply addicted to the endless cycle of impossible goals, self denial and eventual awakenings.

*** DELETED ***

To cut short the useless self sympathies, its back to that old room, wait for the dust to settle down, pick myself up and move on. The fuzzy hangover will linger, but it'll clear. Time will fade the memories, it always does.

So easy to blame life for being unfair, when it's not going in your favor, but more often than not, we're guilty of exploiting this unfairness to our advantage. And not to forget, for every unfortunate situation, countless others have it much worst.

This chapter ends*.

Time to start afresh, create new dreams and perhaps walk into the next delusion.

*Any further interventions will take the situation out of proportion. The decision was made, the scene will play out and we'll just have to accept the outcome.

Human beings rely upon their brethren and are often disappointed by them.

Don't let someone become a priority in your life,
when you are just an option in their life

What would you do when you have friends like this...

- You personally recommend him for a job interview at a buddy's company. He fails to show up and becomes uncontactable while your buddy sits with his superior for a tense, embarrassing hour, before calling off the interview angrily. A week later, your friend informs you that he dropped his mobile phone.... And then you learn that, that was a lie.

- Busy friend wants to meet and catch up.
>>Friend manages to 'fix you a slot' [insert random number between 1-3] weeks ahead. On appointed day, Friend cancels the meet up because...
A. Completely forgets
B. Forgot that he/she needs to attend a preplanned company function/good friend's birthday/long lost relative from overseas/is a bridesmaid~best man for that day's wedding.
C. Needs to spend time with boyfriend/girlfriend/dog/cat/pig/some stranger on the street.
D. It's drizzling.
And then friend offers to reschedule the appointment.
Keep repeating above until one day you get a sms reply "sorry, may I know who's that?"

- Calls you only once a year, on your Birthday to ask if you would like to chip in on an expensive birthday present for someone you are supposed to have met before.

- Made you rush to town for a sudden meet up, within the hour, and then cancels just when you are nearly there, because her next appointment (which was not mentioned before) showed up 20mins early.

- Apologizes that he/she is working slightly late but would soon finish up and be there. You wait at the mall for 3 hours before checking again to learn that he/she is already on the way home. The appointment had been canceled and naturally you didn't need to be informed.

- Finds a convenient excuse when she realizes that you are not planning to treat her to an expensive restaurant of her choice.

Now what would I do?
Well I don't know, since I no longer have friends like that.

Before today, the only Apples I had were from the supermarket

visions of blue skies and green grass underfoot

So I bought a Macbook. Yes, an Apple computer. The folks were shocked. No one could believe that the greatest anti-mac critic has joined the Apple camp. I was the traitor, I was what Cain was to Abel...
===================================================================

Do not blame them. For they will not understand. For the 'Truth' is only for the chosen few. Perhaps someday some of them would be selected too, and I'll look forward to welcoming Them. To become one of Us.

===================================================================

The Bundle
Now the elegant simplicity of the Apple family really gets to you, right from the start.

Apple laptops came in 3 categories > MacBook Air, MacBook, and MacBook Pro.

It doesn't take a scientist to figure out from a quick glance at the specs that Air is the light ultra portable series while Pro is the high end performance range.

MacBook is the intermediate and most common option. I got myself one of these with some rather high end specs for the current series.

13-inch: White
2.4GHz Intel Core 2 Duo.
4 GB memory
160GB hard drive1
Double-layer SuperDrive

Including a free sleeve, the bundled price came up to SGD 2,455 - quite a hefty sum.

=================================================================but its alright because its an Apple.
=================================================================

Hardware Installation
Installation was a breeze, if there was even an installation to speak of. Just like what the sales pitch described, just plug anything in and they will work, automatically. The portable hard disk was detected instantly, and Printer model recognized once connected.
=================================================================

Software
I hooked up the ethernet cable and came online. No setup needed. And then the system offered to update all the drivers and installed software. These were carried out faithfully with no fuss. I didn't even have to reboot once.

=================================================================

Functionality
Needless to mention, the MacBook was aesthetically pleasing, with all the ports conveniently located on the left hand side. The Mac power plug links to the MacBook magnetically, a creative marvel by itself. (I continued to be surprised at every step.)

The keyboard too, with its large and well spaced keys was a joy to type on. (This blog entry was written on the MacBook, can picture myself doing this in future at Bottles & Bottles, with a glass besides the MacBook)
=================================================================
Overall Perception
All in all, I get the impression that Apple genuinely cares about the customer's experience. Everything was so well taken care of. Compared to OS X, the Windows Platform look hopelessly outclassed.
=================================================================
The only thing left to do now is to fetch some fuel and torch those worthless PC components.
=================================================================

- Fanaticism is a sign of repressed doubt

Resentment, betrayal and heartbreak

Technology should have freed man from the burdens of life.
Instead, it imprisoned him.

Another system failure, another inconvenience. This time is was the Mainboard. The onboard audio to be specific. Two visits to the service center and problem NOT solved. It was really frustrating to learn that the "1st year 1-for-1 replacement" refers to refurbished sets of questionable quality. Imagine a pool of RMA circuit boards: "Here just throw yours back into the pile. We'll (randomly) pick another piece for you. If you're lucky it won't have the same problem. If you ain't satisfied, we can try again."

This is the final straw, have made up my mind to make that costly technology leap. To go ahead with the Migration Plan 2 years sooner than I intended.

The last decade spent with DIY systems has been an interesting ride full of thrills and spills. But that stage is over. 长痛不如短痛 Its time to move on.

FUN:
- Shopping trip in Sim Lim Center for components
- Watching your new system boot up sucessfully
- Savings from assembling your own desktop
- 'Arms race' with buddies to see who has the most powerful machines
- Overclocking to bring out more 'bang for buck'
- Learning from each mistake
- Troubleshooting and solving the problem

NOT FUN:
- Accepting for a fact that system may fail anytime.
- Windows blue screen of death that occurs ever so often
- Snifting carefully and praying not to detect the smell of burnt plastic everytime the computer crashes.
- Another tiresome trip to XYZ repair center.
- Machines that never boot properly*
- Forking out money every now and then for replacements.
- Cheap brands that turns out to be incompatible.
- Reliable (more expensive) brands that still fail.
- Troubleshooting and unable to solve the problem.
- Not knowing when any of the above will happen again.

Have done my homework and decided to invest in a Macbook. Reviews (online and personal) were good and consistent. It seems an Apple machine fits well with my criteria**

*I once had a setup that will only boot if I reached into the casing and wiggle the videocard at a certain angle, 2 seconds after I hear the first beep.

**easy servicing, low failure rate, portability, good battery life.

Boogie Woogie Fengshui

The 1st floor office layout had been completely rearranged. Rumors has it that this was done under the consultation of a Feng Shui master. Naturally, this was a strategic decision.

If the rumor was true:
It's said that a particular department was literally sitting too near the exit, which explains the high turnover. Moving them further from the door them will surely pretend more staff from "walking out".

I'm sure there's great wisdom in that. In fact, it might work better if you seal off the door completely. Visiting the washroom would be a problem tho.

that would be the present's legacy to future generations, for now the inhibitants of Acheron ran the processors and struggled to make a dream come true, surviving on a ration of determination, humor, and oversized paycheques. They would not live long enough to see Archeon become a land of milk and honey. Only the company could do that. The Company was immortal as none of them would ever be.

*Taken from the science fiction novel "Aliens" - Alan Grant Foster