Like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest

"And achieve what?!"
- Retortical question of the month

I needed a break very badly...
Went on a weekend retreat to Pulau Bintang with my Army pals. Amidst the endless mutual bullshit and fun under the sun, was a merciful respite from the hectic pace of life and a chance for undisturbed reflection (even while getting tossed around by 6ft tall waves)

Still had not been able to pick myself up, and was feeling really lousy lately.

Using an old analytical technique, I took a step back and observed from a 3rd person perspective.

It wasn't a pretty sight.
To put it bluntly, I had absolutely no idea wtf I was trying to do during the past few months. what a mess.
Was running my life with as much directions as a beheaded chicken. Sure, I tried hard in everything I did, but to achieve what? I could not answer.

Work was a hell of a rat race.
Stepping up on training somehow only resulted in piling up injuries.
Drinking created unnecessary health concerns.
Ever increasing relapse of the chronic Introvert nature affecting my social life
Family fallout.
And I won't even touch on the emo shit

I screwed up.
At this rate, I was fast becoming a close resemblance to a punching bag.

Although I didn't find any answers by the end of the trip, I did at least got a little closer. And begun coming to terms with reality. Things are becoming clearer and less surreal now.

"Emotion clouds observation"